The Golden Years

I have to write this down. I know myself, I know that in a few months, or weeks, or maybe even as soon as tomorrow I'll have a moment that I forget how blessed I am and I'll long for some future point in time to happen NOW. I've been guilty of doing this in the past. In fact, I can clearly remember commiserating with a dear friend about how difficult these years can be. Our husbands are busy, our families are far away, and our children are very small. She said she was sick of people telling her that these were the best years of her life when she felt like she just wanted to survive these years! I've been there. I know how that feels.

I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about what kind of mother I want to be. What do I want my kids to remember about their childhood? What kind of memories do I want to remember of their childhood? What are they going to remember about me? Was I really going to look back years from now and long for these hard days? The days of being mostly alone in an apartment with two kids and no yard? And I knew in my heart that the answer was yes. But that wasn't good enough for me. If I would be appreciating them at some later date then I should be appreciating them now.

So I've made some changes.

I changed my schedule, I changed my attitude, and I repented of the things I wasn't doing and started doing them. And slowly I've started to feel this change within myself. I feel like a new woman! More specifically, I feel like a new MOM! I love it. The changes in each of us are noticeable. I have more patience and my kids are more loving. Every morning I wake up excited about the possibility of the day. The day is ours to do with whatever we want! And that moment right then is when I realized that these really are the "Golden Years". These years while my kids are still young and we can decide each day what we want to do without the burden of a schedule are among the best years I'll have with them. There's no school to go to, no lessons or clubs. There will be time enough for that later. If we decide to stay in our PJ's all day and watch movies together then we can. Or we can pack up and go exploring all day. (We've done a lot of exploring lately.) Where I used to secretly long for the days when Ryan would be old enough to go to school it makes me really sad to think about it now. We have such a short time together. I want to make the most of it.

Now, I'm not so changed that I don't still lose my patience, or my temper occasionally, or at the very least long for the end of a hard day. But not long ago I was talking to another friend and I told her I was really happy with everything the way it was right now. I felt content. After thinking for a minute she said it was a gift to be able to feel that way. A gift to be happy in the moment.

To be able to someday look back and know I was happy and grateful and loved my life in the moment is without a doubt the best gift I'll ever receive.

(photos are from a recent exploration of the Huntington Gardens)