one day at a time

I just got off the phone with Kris.  That seems to be our main form of communication these days.  Besides being gone all day for his usual school related duties he's also been absent much of the week nights with various school and church responsibilities.  A night class on Mondays, night patients Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and tutoring Thursday night.  Luckily the weekends are usually ours unless there are church commitments, which it seems we've had a lot of lately.  We just don't see much of each other. 

Now, I'm not complaining, I knew this was coming.  Would I like to see more of my husband?  You bet!  But I realize he's working hard for our future.  I try to stay cheerful when Kris comes home for the day at 10:00 at night after I've spent all day taking care of the boys, feeding them dinner and putting them to bed by myself because...well....he's had a long day, too!  And I love him very much.  I know he would rather be home with us, but he's doing what he needs to do in order to graduate on time, or early.  Sacrifice now = reward later.  I get it. The boys, however, don't and that's where it gets hard.

During my phone call with Kris he told me about his morning with Ryan.  At 7:00 this morning when Kris was ready to leave Ryan asked if they could play together.  Kris said that he was sorry, but he had to go to school.  Ryan, in a sad little voice asked, "Dad, why does it take so long to fix people's teeth?  Are you gonna be gone a long time?"  And last week when I was tucking them in for the night Ryan asked if his Dad was going to be there in the morning when he woke up.  I realized they hadn't seen Kris for 3 days because he was gone before they got up and came home after they went to bed.  A fairly common occurrence.

Needless to say, Kris is feeling pretty crappy about it.  I can handle it, but I hate that the boys are missing their Dad so much.  I know they'll be fine.  This is just one of those things that is hard in the moment. 

So, until this "moment" is over I'm doing my best at being mom and dad (which some days is a completely pathetic attempt involving losing my cool and bursting into tears...oh, yeah). 

Wait-  didn't I just say I can handle it???  I'm workin' on it.

And let's be honest....there's no replacing this guy:

Especially in the eyes of these two.